I started the workshop with a preconceived idea. I knew what I would photograph and, hence, what the outcome would be. Upon arrival, I was asked to clean my mental slate and explore my inner world and my inner self. It was a difficult excercise as I hadn’t creatively looked at myself, at what I felt about myself and about my surroundings, or how I lived my life since going to college.
Every night, I had a different challenge to overcome. Processing emotions, permitting intimacy. Every night, I was overcome by fear. How could I photograph these feelings? I´ve always had a problem with showing my feelings, expressing what I think, making myself understood, communicating what I feel and love. I took several self-portraits, focusing on myself and my surroundings, my friends, and my daily actvities. Sleep-deprived and with no specific image in mind, I spent days on edge. I went through various phases – fear, rejection, sadness, joy and total and absolut panic. The photographs reflect these emotions; from loneliness, to confusion, to the intimacy and the complicity between the portrayed and myself. It has been the most intense and interesting week in my life. I´m still processing the experience. The journey has been an important factor in finding myself again.
bianca de vilar ©